“Listen you, I’ve edited Geocities with Netscape Navigator over dial up, you modern wankers with your WYSIWYG and AJAX widgets can all fuck right off….”
The annual work’s christmas party is a tradition steeped in deep significance for many, but none outweigh the one day of the year that people can really open up and be themselves in what can be a stuffy work environment – the added bonus being that scanning your distended ballsack and stapling a copy into all end-of-year reports is mostly overlooked by upper management due to massive hangovers. Read on for important guidance.
Safety First
Wearing a condom is important, especially if it covers your genitals.
Alcohol and Drugs in the Workplace
The consumption of drugs and/or alcohol can often be instrumental in potentially costly matters such as accidents, unwanted births, curb-stomping and the replacement of upper management without due warning or process. Getting hilariously shitfaced is an accepted societal norm in many cultures, so check with Human Resources before making a faux pas and assuming that Derek is just wankered on White Lightning and cheap whizz. Discrimination tribunals were up 8% this quarter, so think Equality, Diversity and Inclusion first.
Sexual Harassment
We all want to have a good time, with staff enjoying themselves within the informal setting, but let’s remember that we all have different values that should be respected. Last year’s fisting incident under the mistletoe involving Ethel and the Accounting Department was a spectacle only outdone by the Clown Pegging Party at the fancy dress the year before – however, at least two members of staff later objected to throwing their hand in. Consent, people! This isn’t the 80s!
The Last Round
Despite what the cleaning staff and Bill from Marketing tell you there is ALWAYS time for one more last round.