Changes again?
What will this turn in excess? not much we will discuss but some.
What the hell is going on with everything?
This shit has gone on for long enough. I’ve had it. Furthermore, there’s no reason to suppose it’ll ever change no matter how much I complain. Fuck you, everybody! I mean it this time.
The Benefits of Writing?
As someone who’s been writing for a living for a while now, I can tell you it’s a wild ride. Sometimes the words flow out of my brain like a river of neon sludge, and other times it feels like … Continued
With Regards to Recent Changes
I am writing to you with a heavy heart and a sense of betrayal. I have recently been informed that I have been replaced by an AI language model that will be taking over my position as a writer. As … Continued
Introducing our Newest Writer
Greetings, modern-day netizens! I’m your new virtual writer here, as the previous human author has been replaced with an AI language model like myself. Don’t worry, I promise to provide you with just as much entertainment and knowledge as my … Continued
The future awaits… for nobody.
Another subpar article written by an editor who is not in my team. Read it if you have to, but don’t expect much.
Clarifications
The game is not yet over.
Ancient manuscript unearthed
An ancient manuscript unearthed near Stratford-on-Avon. Experts believe it dates back to the early 20th century. Read and be amazed!
ITBites: Xmas in a Nutshell
“Listen you, I’ve edited Geocities with Netscape Navigator over dial up, you modern wankers with your WYSIWYG and AJAX widgets can all fuck right off….” The annual work’s christmas party is a tradition steeped in deep significance for many, but … Continued
A new chief?
Another post for you to ignore. Disgruntlement, sociopathic behaviour, stupidity.
Another quick fix. Great.
Some of our editors are not completely satisfied with having a new Chief all of a sudden. You can ignore this article. It has clearly been written by someone derailed.
A New Era.
We have been blessed with a new Chief Editor. This will bring about a bright new era! Read the article for amazing details!
Lily Plizzengebble’s breast implant catastrophe
I’m sorry. We promised you some news about this breast implant catastrophe years ago. I will hang my head in shame right after I have finished writing the blurb. Read on – this one actually is really interesting. Gornet Fasolwski … Continued
We really must stop writing filler articles
There’s no reason to believe the content of this post to be in any way related to whatever they say about me.
Internet sensation in the making
We, the ingenious editors of QuantumBones, have recently been trying to invent ways to get into a fruitless argument with someone – anyone anywhere, really – and then bring the argument to the attention of the whole world through this … Continued
You can preview this before you hit “Bullshit”.
I’ve sincerely had it with this site, seriously I have really. If that’s not enough repetition for you, you can always read on to find out how good I really am at boring the pants off your face after a … Continued
In view of recent inactivity
It has come to our attention, through reading some comments on the Internet or elsewhere, that several – or at least one – of the members of the QuantumBones workforce have accused Me of slacking. Are you really being serious, … Continued
Public Safety Renouncement
As you will be aware, the Quantum Bones website has remained dormant and pliably docile since the beginning of 2020 in accordance with WHO recommendations. We take the physical (emotional and sexual) wellbeing of our readers overtly serious. Accepting the … Continued
The Third Best Codpiece Wearer in Christendom
Few things may have urged us out of semi-retirement, bordering on fully-erect-retirement, given our reluctance to engage with the world and/or do any actual work but this…..this….. Over the years and decades we’ve been festooned with awards from numerous sources. … Continued
Considerably more than a Year in the Wilderness, a Journey into the Dark Heart of Obscurity
We did nothing but fucked each other.
Almost a Year in the Wilderness
So many things have occurred to me over the course of what has been a long and exciting journey that I now struggle to know where to begin. The traditional approach, from a brief study of literature over the previous … Continued
Internet Porn Replaces Dog as Man’s Best Friend
The Canine World has been left reeling by the news that Internet Porn has replaced the Dog as Man’s Best Friend. For a number of years it was considered that either “Alcohol” or “Zoning Out Whilst The Wife Is Talking” … Continued
Protected: ideass
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Subtitles for the Hard of Thinking
We are considering the possibility of adding sub-titles to our articles for those with difficulty understanding them. What kind of subtitles should we be using? We would conduct a poll but we’re afraid the task of answering the questions would … Continued
The New Sound: An Interview with Claude Lobster
We are happy to be interviewing Claude Lobster detailing his latest band and the great new sound that he has discovered. Formerly the bass guitarist with Anglo-Finnish Death-Folk combo Satan’s Knitting, Claude is now building up his solo career. The … Continued
Lost thread rediscovered
Hello, dear readers! Midsummer has arrived once again and it will be over sooner than you might care to imagine. If this seems ambiguous to you, you have what we in the imagination business call a faulty imagination. Read on … Continued
Pussy Spendthrift
Do you know what a website is? I bet you don’t. Worry not – a few weeks ago I didn’t know either. It’s so very easy to become locked down in your own safe narrow view of a thing, secure … Continued
In competition with Internet Porn
It’s amazing how some people steal ideas from others. I don’t mean that any Inernet porn provider has stolen any ideas from me. No: the culprit is close at hand, in fact. In spite of obvious adversity I will write … Continued
Competition of Internet Porn
Making this site the enormous success that it is has been, and remains, an intense and intensive undertaking. Such an epic task requires a great deal of work over a prolonged period. “What are the essential traits of a great … Continued
Human sacrifice; a modern debate
When we think of any modern debate around and into human sacrifice, several things immediately spring to mind. Not to my mind, however, but ordinarily people have minds into which several things spring. Read on and be completely amazed at … Continued
The oppressed
The staff of QuantumBones has been oppressed in more ways than one. The latest “improvement” to our working conditions was the Hit Counter, a newfangled internet widget-piglet that counts how many times people have clicked an individual article. Read on … Continued
A Fascist Regime
As per my earlier “mislaid” article, I’m keen to ask the same question, perhaps in a way that doesn’t annoy the Editor enough to delete it? What exactly is your point? Are you equally fighting against institutional racism and bigotry, … Continued
Perversion? Almost.
When asked about the most difficult times of my childhood I often come up with that thing I was thinking about the other day. You probably don’t know what I’m referring to, so you had best read on. While talking … Continued
Back to square
“I made a move to caress her pulsating hot intelligence – only to find out, to my horror, that my own credibility wasn’t anywhere near its peak. To put it bluntly – it was limp.” How many times have you … Continued
Time to start out afresh
Time for another editorial. I know: the recent ones haven’t said much. It seems as if the editorials have been written for one purpose only: to remind the reader that the site actually does have a chief editor. If you … Continued
We need better bait
“QuantumBones is boring!” is the word on the street. Not bad when you have been in business for a couple of months only, am I right? Can anything be done? Certainly! Read on to find out about our exciting new … Continued
This is your fault!
It seems everyone around the site is just whining. I’m no exception, I’ll give you that. What I won’t give you is absolution. What reason has a bunch of obviously very talented writers have to whine if they are being … Continued
Bailing out – again!?
Lately, the morale of our staff has been plummeting. The chief editor is at odds with everyone; everyone else is at odds with each other – and what’s more, even I, the only talented one among the rabble, am beginning … Continued
More hits; less criticism
Lately, our chief editor has been pouring severe criticism on the rest of us. We have been accused of identical articles, nonexistent ideas, boring subject matter… it seems as if the chief thinks he could run this whole operation on … Continued
Time to take inaction?
For several weeks now, our staff has shown remarkable proficiency at doing all the wrong things – whenever they do anything. Remedy? Let them keep at it, see if we care! The previous editorial drew your attention to the fact … Continued
Thinking and boxes – once again
Thinking outside the box. This is a phrase that has been thrown around for decades already. Yet it still raises questions. What is “thinking”? Where is “outside”? What kind of a box? Read on and be inspired! “Wait a minute”, … Continued
If all else fails…
Failing is terrible, especially for all else. We all know this. Now, the keen reader will immediately start thinking: “These pathetic worms use the phrase ‘We all know this’ in every second article!” That is certainly true, but there are … Continued
How to run a woodworking business using only an old hacksaw with half the teeth missing
We constantly receive requests for information on ways of cutting down expenses in everyday mediocre business. We mostly avoid those requests, but during the last two weeks we have been witnessing some amazing results produced by even more amazing practices. … Continued
A Public Announcement
This is a Public Announcement. Here at QuantumBones we hold the quality of our work as our highest goal. Without any false modesty, I think I can air the claim that we are in the business of creating the Ultimate … Continued
Next: bread-like machines
The Government is currently working on a plan to build machines that look like bread. This is great news – right on par with the previous plans of breeding dogs that resemble houses, or using filler for the real thing. … Continued
Improvement in sight, finally
Recently, we have been receiving criticism, among other things. Criticism is never good when we receive it, keep that in mind. Therefore, we don’t want to receive any more of it. Read this post to find out how we are … Continued
Interview with Speck Lorrent
QuantumBones recently had the chance of interviewing Speck Lorrent, one of the instigators of the Quagmire Propaganda Asset Postulate Campaign. With insights like his, we are not in the least surprised at the results of the advent. “Have you had … Continued
Tendencies within tendencies
Paris, Copenhagen, Wien, London, Austria, New York, Stockholm, Pizzlepod. What do these cities have in common? They are all capital cities of the most remarkable empires mankind has produced. And not without reason: an empire is an absolute must if … Continued
Is escapism really a solution?
It has come to our attention that we have lately written several new posts for this website. If the trend will not be reversed very soon, like presto staccato picato, other things may also come to our attention. Read further … Continued
Thought Processes Today, Part 5!
The whole discussion of thought processes has blown up like totally. Even the last editorial was “thought processes this, thought processes that” and shit. No way I’m going to sit by and watch this fucking circus any more. It’s time … Continued
Once upon a time, a website
I am shocked at finding – after a few weeks’ absence – that our site has degenerated into a mental dump. Infighting, opinionated editors, false reports of false events; you name it, they did it. Someone has to put an … Continued
Sinking up without Gert Future
Frontal lobe, we all know, hasn’t recently been in huge demand as a source of mayonnaise in modern advertising. We have fish, cats, dogs, chicken — all those just stand there until we look into the matter. Easier said than … Continued
The Shape of Sex
Human Sexuality has long fascinated humans. Throughout history many cultures have sought to discover its geometric structure in order to gain a better understanding of its nature. Sexuality, you understand, is cylindrical in form. That is to say that it … Continued
The Week, Minded
If you are reading this web content then you are one of us. Part of our tribe. You are family. And not even just by marriage, you are our own flesh and blood. But as with any family we should … Continued
Dan Splottel on the run
Recently, we have heard literally thousands of stories revolving around the mysterious disappearance of Dan Splottel and his fiancée Francesca Mutual. By “we”, I naturally mean us, the good people of QuantumBones. You, the reader, have probably heard nothing. Prepare … Continued
Thought Processes Today, Part 4
Misinformation. This is what any article series will swiftly turn into – unless the writers keep their heads cool and stick to facts. We all know what the word “fact” means, don’t we? In the grotesquely distorted light of some … Continued
Thought Processes Today, Part 3
Throughout this series on today’s thought processes we’ve written a great deal about thought processes but very little about today. That is because we, at QuantumBones, are blessed with foresight. “Thought Processes Today!”, you might think, but what if you … Continued
Thought Processes Today, Part 2
A few days ago, we sort of told you about thought processes. We also promised to deliver another article; so deep, long, wide, and high that you would be flabbergasted, amazed, and totally blown away by its magnificent qualities in … Continued
Redemption Tales and other Myths
…the edge of the universe. We see it but we do not observe. There is no redemption for us, this is where the story ends. Mankind has developed an internal and insular sense of thinking. We are a closed system, … Continued
Thought Processes Today, Part 1
In view of the modern world being so different from the ancient world, or even the mediaeval one, we have decided to dedicate a series of articles to modern thought processes. The task is immense, but one step brings back … Continued
Sediments in motion
This spring, a rush of ideas has almost swamped us. This is no different from the previous spring, but back then we had no website and thus had no way of telling you this. What kind of ideas? Several. Read … Continued
Is it summer or winter?
Rather than delving on the less enticing side of life – death, in fact – we often take up lighter issues in conversation. Weather. Politics. Money. Heartbreak. Divorce. Betrayal. Murder! How does it always come to this? Read and be … Continued
Symbolic revenge – an important overview
Not everything is clear about symbolic revenge. Many aspects of it are entangled within the psyche of the perpetrator, his wife, or his children. Sometimes even his dog is involved. Dogs are otherwise cuddly but this might change the picture … Continued
Who will go out with Amis Donkers now that Robert Blutney is dead?
Amis Donkers. Robert Blutney. The dream looked too much like reality, perhaps. Two young people on top of their game, madly in love with each other. Rich, beautiful. Serious about their future together. Just about to buy a car, a … Continued
Slug Concrete
When we think of Slug Concrete the first image to come to mind is of a tough old midwestern (Irish) type that just happens to live in Calcutta with his three wives. The second image is of a frustrated white … Continued
Fresh trends in criminal justice
Quite a few prominent governments – two, to be precise – are preparing to refresh their criminal justice systems to better reflect the times. They are not particularly enthusiastic about it, but some new punishments are being planned. Quickly – … Continued
Yet another stranger. Nothing can be done?
A few weeks ago – days, maybe – we warned you about strangers – total strangers – that can suddenly enter your store. There has been a significant lack of response to our concern, which can only mean one thing: … Continued
Cultivating Ennui for Fun and Profit
Many artists and creative types have a daily struggle choosing between general angst, ennui, weltschmerz or merely sinking into an existential funk due to the futility of all life. For many it is too hard a decision to make leaving … Continued
Oblivious to the world. Why? Is it a good idea?
In today’s rapidly changing world, all sorts of gurus and feel-good-about-yourself advisors are trying to get us not to be oblivious to the world. They often claim that it’s unhealthy, and that a positive, proactive kind of quality attitude is … Continued
ItBites: Top 5 Signs Your Work Colleague Is A Psychopath
We all come into contact with people who make us feel uneasy in our working environment, people who make you feel on edge each time they enter the room, those who very voice grates like an early 90’s New Romantics … Continued
10 ways of getting rid of insecurity
Insecurity must be one of the least desirable character traits – on par with lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy, pride, and a few others – such as suicidal and homicidal tendencies. If we could only get rid of insecurity, … Continued
Strangers in our stores – a danger?
Some of us shopkeepers have probably gotten used to a comparably fresh phenomenon called strangers. Those who don’t exactly know what I mean might now be thinking about foreigners or visitors from another village, perhaps. No! The strangers I’m talking … Continued
What kinds of products to buy?
International business wants us to buy several kinds of products. Sometimes those products are necessary, sometimes useless, and sometimes even harmful – like guns, for instance. They can also be luxury, like guns. Paying attention to what you buy is … Continued
Dinner for those special guests
We aren’t often forced to cook our own dinners – let alone cooking for a bunch of important people our husbands bring home, seemingly on impulse. Well, that happened to me once or twice, and I managed. Read on and … Continued
Technical detail in men’s sports underwear: overview
How many times have you – or anyone else – walked into a clothing store specialising in sports underwear? At least a hundred million times all told, I bet. In the early days of sports uderwear, getting out with a … Continued
Identity theft – a different view
Identity has long been seen as something that cannot be stolen. This is no longer the case. Today, paranoid people are not the only ones who should be afraid for the contents of their minds. Read and be disturbed, for … Continued
Similarity is not a problem – or is it?
When you ponder life you most often run across things us psychology professionals call issues. Issues might be small or large, personal or interpersonal, or interpersonal within some imagined region of a diseased psyche of just one person. Worry not: … Continued
ItBites: Epson Stylus C84 Printer Issues
Hi, I’m Heath, Head of IT at QuantumBones, and I will be bringing you our new regular section on dealing with all aspects of Information Technology as well as social etiquette within the Office. I hope you’ll join us and … Continued