For several weeks now, our staff has shown remarkable proficiency at doing all the wrong things – whenever they do anything. Remedy? Let them keep at it, see if we care!
The previous editorial drew your attention to the fact that most of our articles are basically the same. Today, our business at hand is to draw your attention to the consequences of that editorial: practically nothing has been written since. This was to be expected because our writers are basically useless prima donnas to a man. In other words, they are all grumpy now, sucking their thumbs in some corner with tears in their beady little pig eyes – pathetically trying to think they are too good for this website – and looking hurt and important when I try to talk to them.
Ordinarily we would not be sorting out our problems in view of everyone, but the sad fact is: I have nothing to say about anything else at the moment – not until the rest of the staff shapes up. The Ultimate Website? Yes, if that entails a pitiful suckfest.